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70 essays on the parts of dating that feel hardest: the first message, the first ten minutes, and the silence in between.
When to take a break from the apps
If opening the app feels like checking work email, you are not going to meet anyone while feeling like that.
Talking about your ex on a date
The rule isn't never mention them. It's never let them take up more room than the person in front of you.
The follow-up question is the whole trick
Most conversations are two people taking turns to change the subject.
Eye contact without the staring contest
Eye contact is the most-advised and worst-explained part of flirting, and most of the advice creates lunatics.
What to do on a second date
The first date answers whether you want to be here. The second answers whether you actually like each other.
Voice notes, calls, and when to stop typing
Text strips out tone, and tone is where most of the meaning lives. Sometimes the fix is to simply speak.
How many people should you talk to at once?
Too few and every conversation carries impossible weight. Too many and none of them get anything real.
Dating when you hate small talk
Small talk isn't the point of a conversation. It's the toll you pay to get to one.
The first message that actually gets a reply
"Hey" is not a message. It's a request for someone else to do all the work. Here's a structure that does the work for you — in three short lines.
Meeting their friends
Being introduced to the friends is a bigger step than most people treat it as, in both directions.
What to do about silences on a date
A three-second gap feels like a minute when you're the one panicking through it.
Flirting without a single pickup line
Flirting isn't a set of lines you deploy. It's a way of paying attention that the other person can feel.
Which profile prompts are worth answering
A prompt is a free chance to hand someone an opening line. Most people waste it on a punchline.
The three-month wobble
The early giddiness wears off on a schedule, and almost everyone mistakes that for a verdict.
What to do with your first-date nerves
Nerves aren't a malfunction. They're what caring feels like before anything has been decided.
When there's no spark
Nice person, good conversation, nothing at all in the chest. The most common outcome in dating, and the least discussed.
Flirting without being creepy
Almost everything people call creepy comes down to one thing: not leaving someone an exit.
When they don't text back
Silence has no content. Everything you hear in it, you put there yourself.